principal tech & shift lead // metrology // D-shift
Measuring Nanometers by Day, Screwing Up 3D Printers by Night
Hi, I'm Justin. I keep GlobalFoundries' D-shift measuring chip features smaller than a virus, then I go home and fight my 3D printer. The printer usually wins. 🛠️
The Metrology Wizard (self-certified)
By day I'm a principal tech and Shift Lead in Metrology at GlobalFoundries, where I babysit microscopes that measure nanometer-scale chip features. I calibrate them way more often than I calibrate my own life.
My D-shift crew and I keep the fab honest - one angstrom at a time. When the machines drift, I drift with them. It's a lifestyle. 🔬
> I tried to turn a plotter into a 3D printer. It now prints flat existential dread. 😬
Epic Failures & Semi-Successful Prints
Every print is a learning experience. Mostly it's learning that I should have bought a better printer. Or a different hobby.
The thing that looked like a UFO turned out to be a paperweight
verdict: paperweight 🏆
A benchy that benchy'd a little too hard
verdict: semi-successful ✅
This was supposed to be a vase. It's a modern art piece now.
verdict: accidental art 🎨Warning: the profile exists only in my dreams. Please don't judge my STL hygiene.
My cat judges my prints harsher than my boss
This is my tabby, the true quality-control lead of this household. He sits on the printer, watches it fail, and walks away without a word. Zero feedback. Extremely rude.
> me: "buddy, this layer shift is only 0.2mm"
> cat: *judges silently in tabby*
If you can't ping my router, you're probably not invited to my party
My network setup is the most reliable relationship I have. It never flakes, never forgets my birthday, and it routes packets like a champ. The rest of my life could learn a thing or two. 📡
I swapped chips for beach sand
Took my metrology brain to the DR. Turns out a micrometer can't fix a sunburn, and no amount of precision helps you find a good spot in the shade.
I tried to measure a grain of sand with a nanometer microscope. Spoiler: it was still sand.
Swapped chips for beach sand for a whole week. My calibration is still off.
I brought a ruler to the beach. Nobody was impressed. Nobody.
Hit me up. Or don't. I'll be here measuring things.
Email me, find me on LinkedIn, or drop a meme in the box. All memes are graded on a strict 1-10 scale. I'm a tough but fair judge. 📬